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General David Petraeus Stars in Desperate House Generals (News, Switzerland)

 

"After the first episodes of this drama series, we can fully disclose that U.S. generals are pitiful, helpless creatures, who are utterly defenseless against feminine charms. At least that's what one must assume after the first dramatic episodes. ... What else, one wonders, could possibly happen now? This is no simple matter for the script writers, although with parameters like this, adherence to reality is hardly necessary."

 

By Patrik Etschmayer

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Translated By Stephanie Martin

 

November 17, 2012

 

News Switzerland Original Article (German)

Jill Kelly, one of the central figures in the Petraeus Affair, is said to have exchanged thousands of e-mails - many of the suggestive - with another of America's top military commanders, General John Allen.

BBC NEWS VIDEO: Lieutenant General Sir Graeme Lamb, General Petraeus' British deputy during the Iraq War, tells BBC Newsnight that the general's actions have been 'inappropriate, unworthy and disappointing', Nov. 14, 00:04:16RealVideo

After a strong start but a rapidly diminishing suspense curve, we can say that the new American drama series Desperate House Generals will probably not be renewed for a second season, despite the promising nature of the first few episodes.

 

After the first episodes of the dramatic series, we can fully disclose that U.S. generals are pitiful, helpless creatures, who are utterly defenseless against feminine charms. At least that's what one must assume after the first dramatic episodes. What's happened so far?

 

Just having returned from the battlefield, four star General David Petraeus drops his pants when he runs into his biographer Joan Broadwell - one of his former jogging partners in Afghanistan. The war hero, who enjoys the bipartisan admiration of all political factions (truly outrageous and almost unbelievable in the U.S.) and is the new head of the CIA, chucks his brain behind his balls and sabotages his career by documenting the torrid affair on his private G-mail account.

 

The athletic biographer, already a huge fan of the general and widely praised all around for her biceps, from which she can squeeze more push-ups than Angela Merkel can squeeze Euros out of a Greek pensioner, already sees herself as the future Mrs. General and is unconcerned about the fact that the general has been married for almost 40 years (and she herself for 16 years). That's why she intends to chase any potential rivals out of the way. Enter sexy Jill.

 

Jill Kelley, seductive, curvaceous, and friends with Petraeus and his successor in Afghanistan, John R. Allen (also decorated with four stars), is known as a charitable socialite who throws parties for military personnel, and is shocked when vicious and anonymous messages suddenly appear in her inbox - messages in which she is accused of flirting with Petraeus at parties and even touching him in a lewd manner under the table. "Oh my Gooood!"

 

Distraught, Kelley, who enjoys privileged access to the U.S. Central Command in Tampa, turns to an FBI agent she once knew and who had even sent her .oh my-oh my - here it comes! ... pictures of his naked torso (SCANDALOUS!). The agent immediately throws all his energy into finding the person who is threatening sexy Jill. Although he knows nothing about cyber crime and doesn't even belong to the investigating team, he continues to stick his nose into the probe. When his superiors order him to go to hell and stop interfering, he becomes suspicious. Because of his political views, he assumes that others want to cover up the case to protect President Obama, so he turns to House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. Cantor, in turn, takes the story to the head of the FBI, Robert S. Mueller III.

 

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SEE ALSO ON THIS:  

Frontier Post, Pakistan: Moral of Petraeus' American Nights: Eliminate Sensitive E-Mail     

 

So while things are already brewing in Washington, it is discovered in the course of the investigation that Jill's stalker is Petraeus' biographer - and that Jill Kelley herself exchanged between 20,000 and 30,000 pages of e-mails with Petraeus' successor, General Allen - e-mails that are subsequently classified as "flirtatious" (whether this is an official classification for military documents remains unanswered).

 

Above all, the following question arises: When does a general in the field have time to write 20,000 pages of romantic prose? Does he dictate while chasing the Taliban, or does he really have enough free time to create a body of work so extensive that it puts the volume of Shakespeare's work to shame? The series still owes us an answer.

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Then, days after the reelection of the president, who thus far hadn't been informed of these highly-decorated billygoats, the bomb explodes. Petraeus resigns; Broadwell goes into hiding as the FBI carts boxes full of papers out of her house; General Allen, who was actually earmarked for another promotion, is sent to the end of the line; and sexy Jill, around whom the entire scandal is revolving, is stripped of her pass to the headquarters of Central Command, where she once stalked generals.

 

 

What else, one wonders, could possibly happen now? This is no simple matter for the script writers, although with parameters like this, adherence to reality is hardly necessary.

 

But that's it precisely. It is difficult to top the absurdity of the first season: A head of intelligence who has a spicy affair on G-mail - which never forgets; a general who writes romantic prose as opposed to strategy papers; a biographer who sends anonymous threatening e-mails; a socialite who has unrestricted access to the U.S. Army's Central Command; and amorous FBI agents who send nude pictures of themselves. Broadwell would almost have to have had a fling with the president; Jill Kelley, who is originally from Beirut, would have to be a Hezbullah sleeper agent; Petraeus would have to admit to having an illegitimate child with Laura Bush; and Allen would have to admit that he's the actual author of Harry Potter.

 

As I said, the prospects for a second season look bleak. But let's be glad, because somehow we've already had enough of the whole affair ...

 

CLICK HERE FOR GERMAN VERSION

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[Posted by Worldmeets.US Nov. 22, 3:49am]