Fonda at Brazil's annual Longevity Forum, Sao Paolo, Dec. 1.
Jane Fonda, Go Home!
of the absence of brain matter leads beauties like her to remove from their
shoulders any adverse reaction resulting from deep feelings or profound thought.
There is nothing like a marked frivolity to relieve the dark circles under one's
eyes. ... I'd like to take Jane Fonda to the boardwalk in Ipanema to see how
many women she could count that are stretched out by plastic surgery. Most in
fact craft themselves by working out. Got that - lady dumped by Ted Turner?"
I have no doubt that Jane Fonda's brainlessness was a determining
factor in her arrival, at 75 years of age, in the splendid form in which she landed
in Brazil this week.
It's no wonder that the actress, who threw my generation into
a cosmic swoon when she played the role of Barbarella,
continues to be lean, free of crow's feet and bags under her eyes, and no
double chin, stretch marks or wrinkles. The gift of the absence of brain matter
leads beauties like her to remove from their shoulders any adverse reaction resulting
from deep feelings or profound thought. There is nothing like a marked frivolity
to relieve the dark circles under one's eyes.
Of course, Jane still has a privileged genetic
inheritance in her favor, and can count on those aesthetic treatments offered
in California, which leave any woman with the "layout" of the
protagonist in the film Death Becomes Her.
With this devastating arsenal and the baggage of years before
cameras producing VHS fitness videos for White slackers, the actress,
activist and sex symbol landed among us as if she were the guardian of the
secrets of Ponce
de Leon, the guy who according to the legend knew the secret of eternal
Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep in Death
But Fonda stepped off the plane shouting about how
Brazilians exaggerate themselves with the amount of plastic surgeries, that this
is what hicks and the "nouveau riche," the unbalanced, and the uneducated do - or
those who don't have what it takes. Well, if she didn't say it, at least she
Did you know that it had never occurred to me that big-eyed
was from Salvador? Or that Meg
Ryan, with her tractor-tire lips, was from Espírito Santo? Or that Pamela Anderson was born
in Piauí? [These are all places in Brazil].
Brazilians exaggerate with scalpels, fillers and skin peels
- how about that, Mickey
Posted by Worldmeets.US
Now, Jane Fonda, with her hands like the witch from Snow
White and her 50-year-old legs, 30-year-old stomach and teeth covered with
Kevlar armor, hasn't done any bodywork! She's just like she came from the
factory. Just one look and we already know.
I'd like to take Jane Fonda to the boardwalk in Ipanema to
see how many women she could count that are stretched out by plastic surgery. Most
in fact craft themselves by working out. Got that - lady dumped
by Ted Turner?
Or perhaps I'd like to take her to a Xingu tribe, or perhaps
to the sands of the Abaeté
Lagoon to meet a Bahian
with a water jug on her head and examine the excellent tough hide that miscegenation produces.
One of the marvels of this land, Miss Jane.
You all know I run off at the mouth because of anger,
because Jane Fonda, goddess and symbol, lunged at us when we expected caresses and
sweetness. Everyone knows how I react when they mess with our dignity, isn't
that right girls? We need not tell her about Angela Bismarchi [see below], and about how she takes some
out and puts some in, and for each rehearsal at the Beija-Flor samba school, she
replaces her eyelids with hymen and vice-versa - ok?
Brazilian Samba dancer and model Angela Bismarchi, one-time record
holder for the most plastic surgeries. At the time this chart was
in 2008, she had undergone 41 such procedures.
Or that reality star Geisy Arruda
returned from a trip to the market having decided to replace her cauliflower
with cabbage [before having plastic surgery done on her vagina, she compared it
to a cauliflower]. Of two evils, this is the least. What if Jane runs into comedian
Dedé Santana at a
cocktail party? What would she think about our fixation on scalpels? Call [famed
plastic surgeon] Pitanguy!
Barbara Gancia, who lives the myth of mestizo journalism and is a fan of Santos FC
football, detests getting involved in controversy. She has reached the age of
having to refuse food containing animal fat, is a columnist for 'Cotidiano'
[Daily Life] and the magazine 'Sãopaulo.'
Worldmeets.US is a non-partisan, volunteer-based, not-for-profit organization that operates solely in the public interest. The opinions expressed in articles posted by Worldmeets.US are not necessarily those of Worldmeets.US, its sponsors, or its volunteers.